unfair treatment

nothing much,

yo wazzup,
Spammers are gladly welcomed,but must show yourself
Steal things ask me
Leave a tag before you go
i don't like this ---> xxx

Iman
22/04/1993
Ignite FC #05 and #18
n-a-n-i-18@hotmail.com

hey apple ! NYAHAHAHA ! ;D

come back soon ='(

4F !
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Archive

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	jason derulo - whatcha say.mp3

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Credits

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this blog shall be abit dead ? :/ the other blog shall be for me to emo, but also post my happiest moments. i think i'm so gonna neglect this one. www.ifeel-loved.blogspot.com, please don't be angry..

anything that happens in my life, shall be at the new blog. if a HUGE thing happens, any huge and SIGNIFICANT thing that happens, which i HOPE will happen, SOON, i shall go and create another one. (:

cheers everybody. whenever you're upset or emo, think of your family. think of your friends. think of the one(s) you love. everything will be better. (L)

iloveyou !

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nobody understands.

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POST NUMBER 100 !

cheer up ! smile ! i'm always here. ALWAYS. (L)

i love you ! :D

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quit everything ? i'm staying because of you.

sorry. i broke our promise.

everything is coming to me. at once.

too much for me to handle.

i don't want to trouble brothers and sisters.

they have their projects and ICAs too.

i miss having that one person to turn to.

just her hand, could make a year of pain fade away.

just her hand, and i'd get the strength to push on.

now, i have no one person i can turn to. for now.

guess it has started.

the point where i choose to be alone.

not bother any sister or brother.

no gf to turn to.

so, keep things to myself.

suffer alone.

what for waste everyone's time and effort on consoling me.

since i'm such an emo fucker.

always emo, for nothing ?

maybe to you all is nothing.

but to me, it may be everything.

really too many things.

i can't take it any longer.

studies.

friends.

cca.

brothers and sisters.

you.

which will i choose, which will i leave behind. sigh. fuck everything. fuck myself. fuck my life.

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to all those who actually cared and bothered. thanks. you know who you are.

from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

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once i reach home. it's gonna be me. living room. tissues. alot of tissues. and my handphone. nothing else. fuck my life.

i really feel like killing myself. i don't want to go through all these crap, feel all these shit. fml.

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11/1/11..

I Love You

sorry if i say this to you too much

but i really do

more than anything in this world

meeting you

is causing me not to sleep

not to eat

not to care about myself

only when you force me

no choice luh

i can't help but listen to you

without you

i guess i'll be neglecting my health everyday

i understand why people sometimes feel like killing themselves

simply because

they don't want to feel all these anymore

that's what i'm feeling now

but i won't go and kill myself

cos if i do that

i won't be able to see you anymore

you know, whenever i'm dulan

angry, upset

i just look at your smile

everything seems better

that's when i'm pissed or disappointed for whatever reason

but when i'm sad, your smile doesn't work anymore

maybe because, it's because I Love You

but you don't return it

so, sometimes things just gets worse

argh

i can only blame myself for thinking so much

and falling for you

cheer up everybody else

don't be an emo fucker like me

it's tiring, and it hurts

the worse part is

it gets heavier and increasingly unbearable as each day passes

stop, while you still can

i tried, and i can't

so, jiayou all

i'll be

I love you. very much.

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I Love You.

there isn't a day that goes by I don't, at some point, think of you.

you're always on my mind. no matter how hard i try, i can't take you out.

the more you say no. the longer i wait.

my heart shatters more everytime.

i wonder how long more i can take this.

i'm sure i'll break soon. very soon.

and when i do, who will be there for me ?

maybe quite a number of friends and family.

but it won't help. because when i finally break.

i will choose to be alone.

loneliness will be my new best friend.

'Iman you ok mah ?'

will be replied with silence. a cold cold silence.

maybe i should leave what i enjoy most in my poly life.

that's where i met you.

if i leave, maybe the feelings will leave too. eventually.

nah. i'm sure they won't leave. not till i venture into NS and turn gay.

but, how can i stay, when i'm in this state ?

i'm not the Iman in year 1.

neither am i the Iman in sec3 or sec4.

not laughing and being as cheerful as i was during those times.

cos i realised in poly, everything just comes and comes and comes.

all at once.

and then comes our rest time.

long holidays.

but before that, it's always the storm.

the hurricane.

the tornado.

the earthquake.

all coming at once.

now, i'm getting everything.

that's what i feel.

when will everything stop.

when will i get the time to do what i want.

when will my leisure life come back.

doing what i love and being with those i love.

studies. events. soccer. famiree. you.

those five are currently my passion now.

my life seems like,

problems, events, problems, famiree, problems, you, problems, problems, problems.

everywhere seems to have problems.

i don't even have time for soccer, and even my studies.

i'm just 2.55.

i have to study.

my ICAs and projects are all coming at once too.

i can juggle balls and bottles.

but not this.

sigh.

really gonna break soon.

i hope i don't.

cos once it happens, the only solution would be you.

i don't want that to happen.

i don't want to put pressure on you.

hais, i don't want to continue this note.

i need a hug real bad.

famiree, I Love You. (L)

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one of the best days of my life.

wtf is wrong with you ? is this yours, or also mine ? so many shit other people do for you, then now you taking all the credit ? i know i did less than you. much much lesser. but now you're giving the impression that i'm doing nothing, and it's because i don't want to do anything. you don't tell me anything. how the fuck do i know that there's something for me to do ? nb. i can't care less about you anymore. you and your precious stuff. all the best for your studies man.

i want to study. i seldom have mood to study. was going to start. then must go do other things. great. AFA ica next week. how the shit am i going to pass accounting when i fucking suck at it and i cannot study. i'm just a fucking guy with a GPA of 2.5. i need to study. i really fucking need to study. is this more important than my studies ?

i doubted you. i'm sorry.

you. i don't want to tell you straight. going to type it all here. you'll read, and not mention it to me. just like my words. say to you, nothing changes. so might as well i just say it. everytime saying no. just like monopoly deal. you know everytime you say no, my hearts shatters ? it doesn't just break. break is too weak a word. in case you didn't know. i'm back to crying to sleep every night in the living room. my lips are damn dry and cracked, bleeding too. why ? cos i'm losing more water than i take in. losing because of tears. not taking in enough, because i have no mood to eat or drink. not when i'm with my friends. with everyone, i have to put up a strong front. no choice. you don't reply me. you =.= me. all these small things make me think alot. sorry my fault. everything is my fault. maybe i shouldn't be here anymore.

the longer the wait. the stronger the pain. fuck my life.

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what's more important ?

aiya, heck care liao lar.

also not me.

you mah.

your decision, your choice, your life.

it's like fucking cold now.

you know why.

cos i'm losing water.

lots of water.

when will you see ?

when will you realise ?

please do so soon.

i'm going to lose it soon.

and when i do, i will choose to be alone.

ily.

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words hurt. alot.

i'm sensitive, who doesn't know that.

cry cry cry.

tears tears tears.

all because of that sentence you said.

seriously made me stun for a minute, staring into mid air.

i didn't think you'd give up on me.

but you did.

it's alright.

i suffer.

you don't have to stop me from suffering.

my fault.

to all cutters out there, agree with me ?

that physical pain, is much much more easily tolerated then emotional pain.

been awhile since i last did things like this.

a very very long while.

but now.

everything's starting again.

hmmm.

right arm.

full of cuts.

hurts.

but it's better than a heart that keep getting hurt.

distractions are needed sometimes.

my heart can't take any more.

blogging won't help that much either.

since nothing is changing.

i know, cutting won't help too.

but i feel better.

i feel hurt physically,

so the emotional hurt is not felt, for the time being.

only for the time being.

maybe i'm delaying the pain,

i don't know.

what if i am ?

i can't take anything harsh now.

you want to see me crash and break ?

say something hurtful straight in my face.

i will so foolish things for you.

sigh.

people who care, don't know.

people who know, don't care.

wonderful right ?

i never thought it's be like this.

never in my life.

maybe, i really shouldn't be here.

shouldn't be anywhere.

not in famiree.

not in Students' Union.

not in your heart.

not anywhere.

argh.

fuck everything.

cutting ftw.

i didn't say this to you when we separated, i'm sorry.

ily.

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yes ? please ?

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we can. please realize that ? ):

Date :
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SU room for the win !

emo corner soon ? /:

smile ! =)

ily (L)

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i feel like emoing. everyday. every hour. every minute. every second.

i need someone i can turn to. anyone willing. please.. i can't take any more..

the lines that readers should know, are the very first, and the very very last. the rest i'm gonna post. are plainly for myself. for me, to release my feelings and emotions silently.

These few days, weren't the best days of my life i would say..

GeneratioNYP was a blast. congratulations to everyone, and a big thank you to all those involved in one way or another in this event. sorry to those, whom i have let down and disappointed through these 7months of our hardship and preparation for GeneratioNYP.

during the finals, for those who realised i shed tears in that chair, i'm sorry for making you worried about me. in any case, thanks for your concern and words of care. i greatly appreciate it. i did not cry because i was ill. not because i was touched by the korean songs or anything like that. i cried, because of some personal problems.

you, are my 'brother' aren't you ?

sometimes, i really see the care you show to everyone.

the love you have for others.

you are very reliable when anyone needs someone to turn to.

but sometimes,

the things you do,

make me feel very doubtful of you.

you know that _______,

yet you still do things that makes me upset.

very very sad.

maybe, to you,

these things are normal.

you don't think it's something worth being sad over.

but for me,

most people know i'm a very emotional person,

little things can make me shed tears.

during the finals,

you did something which i saw,

and made me go.

go to the chair,

look down,

and shed a one long,

long waterfall out of my eyes.

please,

you are my brother right ?

should brothers do this to each other ?

maybe you don't know how much these things can affect me.

as a brother, shouldn't you know ?

sigh..

none of the famiree knows this. but you know, because of this, i'm thinking of leaving the famiree..

i paused for 5mins..

i don't know how to continue posting..

i can't do this without crying nonstop..

to you..

why ?

aren't you aware of how much i love you ?

how much you mean to me ?

you're my everything..

my life..

don't do these things to me..

they not only hurt me, they kill..

maybe you don't know how it feels like..

but please, it hurts.. alot..

to you it's normal..

it pains me..

everyday, it's the same..

i don't blame you..

it's our habit..

i just need to get everything off my chest..

you're the first girl,

that made me think..

'hey, she's amazing. why not ? imagine how happy you two will be together'

you're the first one,

whom i think of..

and no doubts fill my mind..

but, i don't know why..

it seems that..

you're not willing to give it a try..

not even one small chance..

how can one find happiness,

if he/she doesn't take that leap..

that leap to grab the opportunity to be happy with another..

don't be afraid..

please take that big jump..

i'll be waiting for you at the other side..

to catch you, keep you in my arms forever..

it's obvious, that i've fallen too deeply for you..

if you don't give me the words i desire to hear..

i will still wait..

till you finally see,

how much this chance means to me..

how much you mean to me..

how much, i need you to be mine..

you ask why..

you're cute, adorable..

you're beautiful, gorgeous..

you're wonderful, amazing, unbelievable..

you ask why..

i ask.. why not ?

i'm serious about you..

if not, why this long post..

why shed tears right in front of you..

why all the effort to spend time with you,

and keep you smiling always..

with such a sweet smile like that,

how can i not let you smile 24/7 ?

you don't know how much that one smile of yours,

can make the worst day of my life,

one of the best days ever..

i need you to realise..

i need you to see..

that we can be happy together..

if we can, why shouldn't we ?

you know how glad i felt,

when someone told me,

'you and her got potential'..

i was damn happy to hear that..

friends think that of us..

i think that of us..

what's left,

is you..

it's 4:11am now.

i'm wide awake now.

maybe it's because of the stab wound you made,

when you totally didn't want me to see you later.

i was very tired.

but after you said no, offlined,

i was left helpless.

that stab wound,

bled and bled.

the pain is keeping me awake now.

i didn't know you'd be like that.

see, i told you.

i've fallen too deep.

something as little as this.

keeps me awake till morning.

hurts me as much as this.

maybe it's the fact that i can't get you to be mine.

i really love you.

how many times have i said that already.

i'm willing to go through all kinds of shit and pain,

just to see you happy at the end of the day.

every time i see you sad,

see you emoing,

my heart tears apart..

it tears even further,

knowing that some things,

i can't do anything to help..

but i always make you smile in the end right ?

i hope thats enough to keep you till you lie on bed,

and wake up the next day,

forgetting about your sadness..

sigh..

suddenly..

i don't know what to say anymore..

i don't know how to continue..

there's still many many MANY MANY things in my head..

www.ifeel-loved.blogspot.com isn't the place for these anymore..

there's just a few people i can talk to regarding these problems..

famiree.. thanks for everything..

everything in me,

everything i have yet to get out,

can i count on you to listen..

and understand me..

more than anyone has ever did..

can you do that ?..

my sadness..

my happiness..

everything lies on you..

i hope you'll give me the answer i desire..

no matter what, always remember..

whenever you need someone, i'll be here..

right by your side..

sigh..

i..

love..

you..

Date :
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happy new year.

(U)